I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. He screamed and raged and then left to the lake and sent me a text saying he cannot trust someone who would make an unwise decision like that. She may say that. Not just, here's your marriage license good luck. I agree with Vale that the best thing you can do is talk to Cintia about what happened and tell her that seeing her kissing Mercy upset you. There was a line that was crossed when they kissed, he should no longer have her as a Facebook friend, or any other communication with her. My libido is sharper when Im sober, at least if Im really attracted to a guy and have the love goggles on. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Truth-seekers are never popular. After all, if you're still berating yourself for what you did, it won't matter whether or not your partner has totally forgiven you. Please help me. I am NOT looking forward to spotting him in the corridor at workHOW EMBARRASSING!. Mercy got too drunk, Cintia was drunk but she was ok so far. For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening. I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. I reassured my husband that this would never happen again and that I was sorry. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. female
Why would you want to do that? I went to a party with friends last night and I kissed someone.. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? Before you close I'd like to say that I totally agree with you. I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? I dont want him to be thinking that I am a cheat. Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! I know I cheated for sure, and thats why I had to confess to my husband that I did it. It happened two days ago. drunk, kissing. Ashley Madison helped things along with extramarital affairs. That is what separates the women from the girls. He's a work colleague by the way, and we would get on well in work but have no contact outside of work). This of course over a year ago. I was devastated. Like stateside, maybe southern California or San Diego? But fine, then 'It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it': give him the truth *cleverly*. Tell your husband. But I do have to state it or I'm failing to do this role properly as well as my innate compulsion to be unwaveringly socially and morally responsible - meaning, if you don't want to respond, don't. Similarly, meeting with someone privately and not telling your partner can also be a warning sign that . ;-)
I think my husband could maybe forgive the kiss, but the doubt would be there, he would wonder if this could happen again, and he would be so hurt. Nah Don't say a word about it. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. Login first
It was a real dress up affair, and the drink flowed freely all night long. He was so drunk himself that he started singing I Love Paris and, in the middle of the song, he said in a gruff voice, You wanna kiss me? Pointer much appreciated, though.
When I needed a dresser picked up from a furniture store, he offered to take me to the store and bring the furniture home in his pick up truck. If you kissed someone while you were drunk then perhaps you are worried about doing it again. I felt disorientated. I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. Even despite it included you having to become whatever degree of a low-down doity adulterer. 2. Most people would never confess that's the reality. You were no exception. I could tell that he had a thing for you. Guilt is a common feeling of emotional distress that signals us when our actions or inactions have caused or might cause harm to another personphysical, emotional, or otherwise. "Soz". i agree with everyone there's some really good sharing here. Hey all. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. Should find time to respond tomorrow. You're denying him that right and being selfish. This is what I'd do because my relationship with my husband is stellar and we both want to keep it that way, and it's such precisely BECAUSE we're this 24/7 honest and transparent with each other (Speak-Your-Thoughts machines). Food for thought, Michelle Langley. That was crazy' and other awkward things. You love your spouse and you want to do your best to be a good partner.
That's a lot to take in. The marriage itself trying to keep his father and the community happy, and just get my husband to consider the rest of the job force he worked in and the many his wants would affect with UAW seniority for a big three auto plant.
I kissed another man four years ago.
I've gone to a couple thread's here recently. I think they all count as cheating and I'm not sure it's necessary to make a distinction. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. All of sudden my guy friend stopped texting me good morning and good night Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. I think it is a better idea for both of you good luck.do share progress. You werent totally bombed out of your mind, so you realized what you did and you felt guilty about it. Yes, I think if your boyfriend thinks his girl or boy or whatever is gonna be loyal to them even under the influence. Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. Alcohol was a factor, but all it did was bring to the surface the feelings that were already there. If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. This should be obvious, but sadly, for many it's not. The caller wasn't experienced (like me). You confessed your sins. It was the most thrilling feeling I ever had watching my wife kiss and make out with another guy. And as for our original subject, who knows maybe she told him. Allow me show you for future ref what someone who hates feeling guilty looks like:
Except with other truth-seekers. I say tell him. The way it happened-not so good! I have to admire the guy for realizing that he was putting a marriage at risk, and backed away. What isn't, is
We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. I knew you liked him/her. Life's a bleedin' mystery, ain't it? Most people don't confess- You ask for advice of what you should do- you got the RIGHT advice. Lol
We've not made it exclusive yet but we did agree to not see other people at the beginning. Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage.
Later, he tried to make out and I said no because I felt it was wrong.I told him I needed a uber. Bringing this up is only going to hurt your SO. Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. My piano teacher didnt behave like his normal, reserved self and he made suggestive comments to me.
It's good that you're willing to forgive,most women would divorce. Drop it in CASUALLY, as part of general chit-chat, like it's no big thing (because if it's no biggie to you then that must mean it isn't and wasn't any threat to him), and in such a way as draws similarities with his own past incident. Amazing how long this subject has carried on. I felt a mixture of excitement and flattery and nerves. - GET THE FUCK OUT. It happens, in other words. I like the soft smooth touch of a woman and her sexy smell while iam kissing her with passion, if there is a romantic connection it's even better. Things do get out of our hand at times, now think. I believe that its a good thing to fess up when kissing someone you care about when you drank too much could threaten your existing relationship. lover. We were good friends for a few years and have dated in the past but nothing serious. You're not attracted to him? Okay. Simone was telling a caller how satisfy his girlfriend. VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 600, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. The problem is soulmate if I mentioned some of the things that happened in another in another thread. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. Changing jobs or departments and without delay, those things that aren't rocket science, is definitely what I as a fractionally betrayed partner would call you putting your rueful money where your rueful mouth is - enough to help reassure permanently. Once emotions kicks in, you cant predict what will happen. Just trying to keep the pot stirred,the fire burning. The next time you saw your significant other you might have blurted out, I have a confession to make. "He's a great kisser" what she said to me.
So your crop had already been carrying a blight, hadn't it. When you're in a long-term relationship, it's normal to have a little crush on someone other than your partner. He's seemingly petrified I'm going to throw him out, he's cried three times today already and they're only the second time I've ever seen him cry in four years. I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' Oh yes he has cried a help of a lot. Kissed another man four years ago and NOW feeling guilty. I did for a second *start* to kiss him backbut only because I was so completely off my head at that point (I'm talking room starting to spin) as was he, actually, which is probably why it occurred- well, NEARLY occurred in the first place, so don't worry about that bit but the second I did, I came to my senses and told him NO WAY JOSE!!! At least I'll know I've done my bit to the very best of my capability. (PS: These 'recent issues' of yours. Everyone makes mistakes and it's how you deal with them afterwards that is the most important thing. It really depends on the dynamics of your relationship though. Personally, if nothing happened apart from him buying drinks and giving you a ride home, then I wouldnt have told at all. In that sort of scenario, where the kiss (or any intimate contact) lingers for more than half a second - or, put more simply, isn't the kind you'd feel comfortable giving/receiving from your own parent or grandparent - it's an opening of the door, whether or not you subsequently recover your senses and slam it shut again. It's not that big of a deal anyway and you aren't going to do it again. Being married is something that can be quite complicated at times. Whoops. He's a nice guy and we get on, but I don't know how I'm gonna face him talk about normal work things. Weve probably all known silly drunks, mean drunks and people who simply couldnt hold their liquor and vomited all over the place. Many people who get drunk become more amorous, and if our significant others arent with us at the time of our drinking binge, we might be inclined to kiss or even have sex with someone else because were not playing with a full deck when were drunk. (*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. You mentioned foreplay as being the main gate. this guy only tried to kiss you so as far as you cheating on him there is no and your appropriate response was toback away and leave the guy standing. He never says this so I knew it was something serious. If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship. Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. Myself and the man were sitting next to each other on the couch, and the other woman was sitting on another couch at the other side of the room. 5. :-)), SOULMATE: Meant as in the universe of sisterhood (wrongly) To award Biggest B*lls on the Block Award -comment never was to imply same race- so on behalf of the Academy I accept :), (Good stuff. How is that beneficial to him? I believe that over time this would have happened with or without the wiskey. Sometimes it doesnt help to tell your partner everything. My gf went to a house party and got really drunk, and apparently kissed a g My girlfriend got drunk and kissed another guy, 2 months later she got drunk and kissed a girl, HELP. Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? What did she say? I guess what really bothers me a lot is when kids get involved. But living a lie would be so much worse. Being an authentic partner and holding back secrets does not seem to go well together. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you its okay. I can't stop playing it over again and again. reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): A
You can't fake that . Though somehow I think there might have been trouble in the marriage. And now you - who finds trust difficult - have been tempted to do your OWN test (already commencedwhilst drunk), approached via the psychological end. Yes Im addiction there are things called SUDs.. I sent the guy packing with a friendly piss-take (whilst deliberately flashing my ring), and then told hubbie the minute I got home. Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. If it were me, I would contact her, & let her know that I didn't appreciate her actions. Perhaps this one is geared more toward the ladies, but I feel pretty confident in assuming that no matter the . There is more going on. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A
On which note - "Marriage is about trust not tryst": I like that saying. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. "I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses." :-). A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. It felt so wrong and taboo yet so erotic and a sort of thrilling jealousy! reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2007): A
"and though he immediately pulled away".
My husband always encouraged me to pursue music, and, when I told him that this guy wanted to give me advanced piano lessons, my husband was in favor of this. It how you deal with it that makes the difference. (Ta-daaaa!) Hello, TheBestAdvice: Im glad you thought my post was intelligent and that you could relate to it. If you both agreed not to see anyone else, how is that not exclusive? I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. Houston, despite we started out as just friends, we now have PROOF that we have utilised a mechanism for cultivating love and respect, enough to now remain together til death do us part. Lets get down to the basics here. Houston, we have a problem. Youre just using the fact that you were drunk as an excuse. You reap what you sow. He deserves the right to make the decision on whether he can forgive you and move on with you. All night I chatted and joked with a group of maybe 10 people, mostly women. BTW lips are also very much a part of foreplay that's what I've read. If you are carrying so much guilt, it's generally a sign that you care a lot about someone and you are really sorry for what you have done- perhaps he realises this.
I am a good person and have never done anything like this before. You already have internalized that part. The video shows twogayguys(fellow vloggers Jordan Jayro and James Butler) partner with four straight men togive them their first man-to-mansnog. You even said it indirectly in your story, when said you decided to get drunk. I didnt blame the alcohol because I knew I had feelings for my piano teacher, and I didnt want to pretend the feelings didnt exist. I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. I'm trying - with the utmost seriousness and sincerity - to advise you to keep your relationship rap-sheet completely squeaky clean. I immediately felt totally ashamed after it happened and left the party. I was drunk on Friday night and I kissed another guy. It's not worth the headaches, nausea, acid reflux, stomach pain, or insomnia you may be experiencing. Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. So as far I doing it wrong I wouldn't know. Not just what I did but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. I'm asking myself all sorts of questions like did I like him, is that why I did it? Houston, this team needs to rectify the causes or agree to seek outside help in it whilst this one team member needs to atone for having almost embarked on a hurtful and potentially damaging test unilaterally without her teammate's consent. I didnt tell him. I'll still cross over with him at times, but it will be minimal. I was surprised by his reaction, but I shook my head and said it was nothing like that. This is the decission you need to make do you want to risk all (career, home, kids as well as your DH) and be in a position you can pursue a relationship with this married man - who may well reject you for more than a fling. If you kissed a stranger, your significant other might just react by laughing or by telling you it's okay. Have another little thinkipoos (with or without a little drinkipoos). Will the guilt ever go away? An affair isn't a bad choice made when a married person decides to sleep with someone that they aren't married to. Thank you. One is your marriage, the other is a relationship with a married man with family.
His imagination could go haywire over that one. View related questions:
Guilt protects our relationships. You don't have control over these things. If you think that straight guys are too macho to experiment with same-sex kissing, then yourewrong. 3. The planet won't stop revolving around the Sun if you don't tell him. ;-). Alcohol does not change that fact. get into counselling. Lee.. you are too funny. One of the best ways is to offer effective apologies. I think a real man actually kisses a dude at least once to really know your sexuality, one says.
IAMHIM (person claiming to be an unregistered passer-by),
For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. When you feel guilty for hurting someone you love, holding in those feelings makes it worse. I really need your help.I have been dating this boy for the past two months. It didn't feel real. lover. Just my opinion. Im also pleased that you agreed with my argument as to when to fess up and when to keep your mouth shut. Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. I kissed another guy when drunk but can't remember?! Dont tell me that you and ______ (the girl who was staying at our house for the weekend) are lesbians? You want me to go on a comma and replace her. Try to let it go and forgive yourself. Here are the frightening ways to know that he gave another girl a kiss ; 1. HIKARI, you can't take up an obsolete thread as your own, no matter any similarities, so if you want feedback and advice it's best to start a new one (and copy and paste that post into it as your opening post), okay?
For what possible reason? (y)
The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. Sums it up nicely. by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk (As you were), It happened to me,too last Jan.31,2016, and it happened again in the following days. I'd be obsessed with it. I'm not sure how long we were there when one of the women decided to call it a night, and left in a taxi. I think you already knew what you wanted to do, your husband was not home, saw an opportunity, and wanted to use being drunk as a cover story. So she told him for starters to kiss her well you know where. a wiz veteran at Relationship Talk. I was enjoying myself and loving the chats and laughs. Don't have an account? PS: Don't ever drop it, will you. By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. There is no earthly reason that your partner needs to know chapter and verse of every indiscretion you ever engaged in. Confide in someone you trust. I am giving him space to think. Pre-kiss, the straight guys none of whom have ever kissed another man before are asked where society hasanyrules for interaction between heterosexual men. What are you going to do, then? Past is something you cannot change. ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!!
Because just as everyone else is saying, if you did the RIGHT thing, you shouldn't feel guilty. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends. Years after my divorce the one thing that still makes me really angry is that my XH should have ended the marriage as thats what he wanted. See "The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology"; you probably miss at least two of them when you apologize. Then the accusations begin, which night go something like: Why on earth did you kiss _________? And yes I do still believe either directly or indirectly, mouth to mouth, tongue swapping French kissing caressing lead to sex. However, if it doesn't close itself through sustained inactivity soon then I'll probably close it myself (as the actress said to the bishop). 15 votes, 25 comments. We may share information about your use of our site with trusted advertising and analytics partners. (No, I'm very passionate about fidelity.)
Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. Don't feel guilty. Period. I was the driver so I did not drink at all just the wto girls. Some song came on and it was a soppy song and we were both singing along. And Brodie groped James. What should I do. Not just to you. Thankfully, he immediately and apologetically backed right off (which was when we woke this other woman and they both left), and, luckily, put his apologetic money where his mouth was by phoning me the very next day to say how stupid and guilt-wracked he felt, assuring me it would NEVER happen again so could I please forgive him and just forget it ever happened. To submit your vote please sign in or sign up, it is free and takes a few seconds. Do you? Oh there really isn't any disagreement actually. You knowing you can trust your husband to do the right thing when faced with temptation is all it takes for him to remain blight-free when blight (whether or not wearing fishnets) threatens. I stopped and said I couldn't kiss him anymore cause I was dating someone I really liked Am I a terrible person? Tl;dr: why do I feel guilty after ending things with a guy who grabbed my ass during our first kiss? Where were you hiding it - up your sleeve? The guilt may be strong because you doubt yourself right now and were surprised by your actions. I went out for drinks in town last night and got extremely drunk and kissed another man, it only lasted not even a few seconds but I feel so so so guilty and wish I could take it back. Yes one should take care of themselves before getting drunk. Other way around. 2. I had a kind of aha reaction because I realized I was attracted to him. I love your stories, Foxie. I feel like I like myself down and my husband down. Kissing that that guy confirmed it. Ive told her Im sorry, I wont let it happen again and Im sorry for being dishonest. We were going through an awkward time in the relationship and I was craving the attention and simplicity of this guy. It's just a "good weekend?" If he is nervous at you looking at his messages and also refuses to tell you who she is, he is hiding quite alot.
Im a guy and i had sex with my guy bestfriend drunk. (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). And I have never cheated myself. Yup. Make lemonade out of them. As long as you are sincere about making this work, your punishment should be to bear this guilt. Now is that thread on this site (people's problems)? Anon Pink, 20 ways to speak Love & Admiration to our husbands.
There's nothing wrong with feeling an attraction to another person when you're in a relationship. Reviewed by Gary Drevitch. If you want a relationship then be ready to be trustworthy. A relationship with a man is supposed to be specifically platonic, says YouTuber David Godinez, while filmmaker James Rath says that men are told not to be physically intimate. It was such a weird experience. I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. When you conclude that your guilt is sending you an incorrect message, label your guilt as a false alarm, ignore it as best you can and make a fresh . The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls video were all shocked at how gentle and 'non-aggressive' female kissers were, in comparison to guys. You lied to me for 2 years? You came to your sences and stopped this from going any farther. For me, to feel guilty about having sex with someone, while in a relationship with someone else, I must have remorse. But, listen, I don't want to turn this thread into a general chit-chat one.
What does it mean for my marriage? We all should know by now that alcohol affects our judgment and that it can make us less inhibited and cause us to behave in ways in which we never would behave while sober. You have no right to unburden your conscience at the expense of your partners happiness. This was a relationship BTW not a marriage. If I some how knew which thread to follow to I'd go. But you sounded like you were willing to take it farther with him,and risk it all. And, of course, cheating always tends to increase during a recession. New Mexico sunsets flat lands breathtaking. As for what we believe about kissing being the gateway to sex (specifically foreplay, which itself is the main gate): if anyone believes it *isn't*, thenwellAll I could say to that is:
I mean if a person can't rely on their own strength of character and self-discipline to stop them from crossing that line, they obviously NEED an outside deterrent. I dont drink, but had i been drinking i would have chosen home is the best place to be vulnerable lol! I was dating thus guy for 6 months and he stopped calling and texting. For me infidelity is a deal breaker I don't care what the circumstances were. i asked him how he'd feel if i went and made out with another man in front of him. And it's weird, but it's like I need the guy to tell me what I did was ok and I'm not a bad person. Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk or get the other person drunk in order to find out if they have any chemistry with each other, and they temporarily forget about the fact that they are already in a relationship with another person. i think OP is using 'kiss' to mean 'more than kiss', but whatever, it was 4 years ago in a rough patch.. everyone here is wrong. The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology, The Power of a Dream: The Customs Inspector, 3 High-Risk Relationship Concerns No Couple Should Ignore, Eliminating Guilt, Shame, Regret, and Worry, Protecting the Innocent: The Cognitive Context of Guilt, How to Deal with Breakup Guilt in a Healthy Way. Come join the discussion about love, romance, health, behavior, conflict resolution, care, and more! She may mean it now, but maybe next week she wont, but you cannot rely on it..Is it a pattern of distrust? I went that night to a bar and began to get very drunk. At least I understood why our marriage failed and no further closure was needed. Saying that, however, I note you wrote:
Personally I don't believe in marriage. I have to be honest, I have never once had the urge to visit America. What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush