Two are very small, less than six months. The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. SpaceySteph My ex-boyfriend had apparently broken up with a girl who was a.. You had no say in the matter.. wife pays debt sex video. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. Happens all the time. Hes furious with the woman for keeping the child. Thats certainly the type of person you want as your husband. Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. slept with someone else. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. lets_be_honest After crying, talking, and crying a lot more, he left, and I closed the door behind him. Courts are loath to do anything but joint custody unless one of the parents is an absolute idiot. There is no 100 percent way to prevent pregnancy. There are unfair aspects of the whole legal and biological reproductive system for both men AND women. And honestly, if my boyfriend told me he wants nothing to do with his own child. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. I showed up late to the hot debate in the comments (damn you work lol), but to put this in perspective for me, I was born to relatively young parents and now at 25, my dad is a few years older then this gem of a man in this letter. Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. Really? When he chose to bust a nut in a stranger he took on that risk. I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! She wants to live in a dorm with her friends and no way is she missing weeks of school to give birth. Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). April 10, 2012, 5:01 pm. April 9, 2012, 1:13 pm. Susie can do what she wants but he wants nothing to do with it. So, ask yourself why do you allow it? Except that hes not. But woman, grow the hell up. According to legal abortion theory, only women create children. Also, e-mail all your questions Terrance Dean: loveandrelationships@bossip.com Follow Terrance Dean on Twitter: @terrancedean and LIKE Terrance Dean on Facebook, clickHERE! A scumbag? I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. Are you kidding? bittergaymark And Im not sure what his being 40 years old has to do with her getting an abortion. is significantly higher than the risk of contracting HIV, which is actually not all that contagious. The key if you do decide to engage- keep it as civil and reasoned as possible. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. People need to think about their actions and the consequences. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. And he took on the consequences. Get your hands off my uterus! You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. You add nothing to the conversation but name-calling. The sperm is genetically identical to the IVF doctors sperm, and it is the IVF doctor who impregnates the woman, even if he never has sex with her. Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). Everything else aside, most of the guys in this thread are more upset about the sex part than they are about the child out of wedlock part. Honestly, I did grow up craving a strong male presence in my life and have always gravitated towards male professors or bosses who wee willing to play the role of mentor. She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. I-RIGHT-I Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. Its not some windfall for women. Steve Kellmeyer I kept waiting for someone to say this. This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. No it isnt. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. The problem is not the other woman, the problem is your man and how you are responding to everything. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. After reading your comment, all I wanna say is, AfuckingMEN. Theyre both opposed to abortion but theyre being safe, right? (i.e. She may have been sweet and loving throughout the relationship, but when she stopped being her best self or caring about what you think, she became angry, vicious, or revengeful. Your ilk will perish from a lack of procreation. If the woman is not required to support a child She is certain it is his. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. If he isnt willing to be there for his kid, wanted or not, then what happens when you get pregnant? He hadnt. I would also ask him to get an STD test because he had unprotected sex. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. April 9, 2012, 11:00 am. It takes two to make a baby, and it doesnt seem like he was taking any precautions. if she has a miscarriage because he's back with you, your fault. April 10, 2012, 7:25 pm. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. But hes no knight in shining armor because he is willing to bare some legally minimal level of responsibility. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. You want some advice? Because believe mehes not into anything but what he wants and what he likes. To everyone. She has no right to be angry at this other woman, and doesnt know what her motives are. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. Everyone in this situation sounds like they belong on Jerry Springer. And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. He has an obligation to use condoms until he is in a committed relationship to prevent unwanted pregnancy and to prevent HIMSELF from contracting an STD (and thus spreading it around). It takes two people to make a baby and two people to decide what to do after one of them gets pregnant. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. bittergaymark He said while I was away he tried to get over me with someone else and now shes pregnant with his son. April 9, 2012, 4:51 pm. I think hes scum because hes furious with the girl he impregnated. Seriously, there are as many babies in my class as there are classmates. You want to be a slave to a prick like him? whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. He let you go. I always thought that had to be a mutual decision. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. LOL What? Cold, but I suppose not unheard of. When someone else makes a decision that massively affects my life for the worse and disregards my preferences, it makes me angry and frustrated. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. Whether or not the current laws are unfair to the man are irrelevant since this child has already been conceived. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . 6napkinburger the manchild gene!! People have told me-on the "adult" forums-that I speak aggressively", but I don't mean it that way. Francine Bottom line. Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. What do you think happens to the fetus? 1 mth after we got together, he cheated and got a girl pregnant. There is a chance it isnt his. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. So, if you insist that men create children, or even assist in such a thing, you are some kind of slimy pro-lifer meddling in the affairs of independent women who need men like a fish needs a bicycle. Which keeps me pretty busy, and Im married to my daughters mother. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!!
And hes 28. Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. And since placement errs to the mother, so does support for the exact reason you pointed out above, Addie: support is a gender-blind concept. By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! Thanks for listening to me. We started dateing again and have been for about 3 months and we have plans to save money and get an apartment. What happens if you get pregnant? Cried my eyeballs out evry nite. All rights reserved. But I dont see anything in the letter that means he must be.. If this happens, he STILL should not be welcomed back. Guy Friday Unwanted or not, they are innocent in this whole mess that your boyfriend and his whatever-she-is created. Thats not the point here. He did help create it. female
Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . We were on and off for few months, and during that time we both dated other people. And the LW is making it seem as if her poor bf did nothing.
Its not a complex procedure. Yes, it would be nice if he were eager to become a parent. After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. He didnt marry you. But, now hes faced with the unwanted consequences of that choice, and while its unfortunate, its how life works. Its the second set of support owed to the child we are talking about. If not, then why cant a man sever all legal and fiscal responsibility prior to the childs birth (as it would be a parallel situation)? That is the point when an intelligent person makes their decision. Every relationship ends in death or a breakup, so this is not unusual. If you were instrumental in the making of the child congratulations it is yours. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. She isnt the one you should be taking issue with. thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. This is always the risk and Id wager 2% of people or less would actually take the time to ask anything about a potential pregancy before the stick gets dipped, My personal philosophy due to the current legal malarky is I need to know their standing on what happens if contraceptives fail and, if they would keep the child, is the person somebody I could see myself staying withboth of those things usually require me to know someone longer than 2 mins., Not JUST due to the legal malarky..I was too focused on getting that word in. Especially if you think the laws are unfair, I think youd be particularly cautious in your actions. He didnt expect that to happen. If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. Quit trying to dig into other peoples wallets to subsidize your lifestyle choices. No man would abandon a woman he impregnates. But if that rape victim gave birth to the child, dropped it on the rapists doorstep and left, its highly probable that the law would pursue her for child support. You bolster my case by agreeing that he can share responsibility with the mother or simply provide support but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. iseeshiny Thats a dudes view. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. Not necessarily. Everything is he: He is in love with you, so in love that he humped another woman; so in love that he wanted to kill a baby to be with you. Chuck Pelto By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. Men will never have to make that choice. He has a responsibility to the baby, but thats as far as it goes. April 10, 2012, 7:07 pm. Francine April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm. Ummm sorry your comparison is ridiculous because in that case its 100% the fault of the person eating at the restaurant. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). Nice try. just my opinion. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! He also lowkey blames me because I initiated the breakup. There is no child at conception very good. Instead, the LW seems to validate and support his furor, demands of an abortion, etc. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. Friends of mine who were raised largely by their mothers but had to deal with their irresponsible, alcoholic fathers who dropped in and out of their lives whenever it pleased them did far more emotional damage to their children than my lack of having a father did to me. female
If the childs mother fully intends to love and support and care for her child, and explain to him/her that their biological fathers lack of desire to be a dad or deficits has nothing to do with him/her that child will grow up no worse for wear. Therefore, why are you depressed? Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. iseeshiny caitie_didnt The laws are imperfect because the biology of men and women is different. Aside from social media stalking, many ex-couples continue to actually communicatetrying to stay friends. I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. Thank God for the real men. He wants nothing to do with her OR the baby? Makes me wonder if youre happily married like I am, or just a bitter divorcee who clings to feminism and man-hating as a knee jerk reaction of having been wronged. And hopefully people begin to realize that just taking the pill isnt an absolute gurantee that you wont make a baby. But youre too stupid/gullible to be angry at him. By having sex you are saying that the woman might get pregnant and you are willing to deal with it if that is the case. Its the law. It doesnt sound like shes ready or willing to deal with him having fathered a child, especially if he changes his mind and wants to be a part of its life. Admirable restraint indeed. There are any number of cases where under-age males, 12 years old, 14 years old, 16 years old, get hit for child support because the female teacher who statutorily RAPED them got pregnant. Ive grown up better being raised by a loving, supportive mother who wanted me than by two parents who didnt want to be together, one of whom readily admitted he wasnt ready or willing to be a father. But this doesnt mean that hes not scum. The guy and the woman had sex. Yep. Risk reduction is not relevant, because the risk never goes to 0%. Other times, breakups are not so obvious, and that can leave you questioning your decision. reader, Maaeexo+, writes (11 November 2010): A
I know you have to keep the possibility in the back of your mind, but youve really been ready and willing for motherhood every time youve decided to sleep with someone? April 10, 2012, 6:28 pm. The dude in your story is a pretty big idiot if he doesnt want to be a dada but the word of a woman he had known for two minutes that she was on the pill was enough to get him to bone her. I dont believe in forcing people to become parents either. I often feel bad for the LWs who get called names and judged super harshly on this site and sometimes feel the need to defend them when they just seem lost and in need of some advice. LADIES he could stand her. landygirl John Rohan I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. But again the adoption makes that all moot. REALLY?! Thank you, Roxy84! I believe I saw the C-word used at least once. Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. If you have any self respect, dump the sob. Is this Twilight, for Gods sake? What should I do, View related questions:
Susie is on birth control but they still discuss what names their eventual children will have. But just my guess. If a woman has sex with a man she should be prepared for the fact that it could result in her under going a medical proceedure, be it an abortion or childbirth. April 10, 2012, 6:11 pm. A Happy Life However, if a woman has sex with a man, she can make all the choices and decisions, force palimony, and essentially treat that man as their financial slave for the next 18 years. Third, I weep for that child. Welcome to adulthood. I was dating my ex girlfriend for 7 months before she broke up with me. I wish it's that easy. Ill never in a million years get it. Again, youre defending this guys right to have sex and that is absurd to me. Why are you mopping and crying over a man who clearly doesnt want to be with you? (And a hint- if your boyfriend is as much of a mess as this letter makes him seem, its not- no matter how much of a mess you are). My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. Oh, good lord. I love your snark this morning!! So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. Regret can feel even worse than heartbreak. Hes scum because he plans on abandoning the baby. Of. Hes obligated to financially support the baby, which he is willing to do. Hes probably the worlds most prolific internet commenter. SpaceySteph But that doesnt change the fact that these people are eating each other alive. Lucky us. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. i completely agree, it is both parties responsibilities to make sure they are preventing pregnancy AND stds. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. 4) The boyfriend, especially given his age (and that this cant be blamed on youthful impulsiveness), doesnt look the best in this scenario. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. You really have no idea what child support means. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. The outlet revealed that Tristan's third child, a baby boy, is due on December 3 . Probably a creationist, from what you know about biological science. April 9, 2012, 8:26 pm. OK, this is going to be longer than it should, but I have reactions to several things. The way you talk, I gotta believe youre one of those disgusting pro-lifers who are always trying to control people. April 9, 2012, 2:37 pm, Well, its always possible that shes NOT in her right mind. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed My Views On Parenthood. April 9, 2012, 5:46 pm. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. BC. He doesnt want anything to do with her? So, it's up the guy to put the idea out there of getting back together and proving to his ex that it's worth a shot. lets_be_honest I agree with a lot of what you have been saying, but he clearly states he will be a deadbeat father to the child in question from what the LW states which is the main reason for his villification. It only says he asked her to. You cant bear life without each other yet hes untrappable? Not exactly. Ive heard of stuff like this from friends of mine, where theyve been in relationships and their BF finds out his ex got pregnant and blah blah blah so take it as you will, I guess. That is not her fault. Like I said, step back and evaluate this situation as if you were an outsider. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. Yes everyone went bonkers. 4. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. Consider that this is the kind of guy that has casual sex with people he doesnt really know/like while on break from a relationship with someone he cant live without. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. The court considers the psychological effects on the child before ordering support. Exactly. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? reader, haley 22+, writes (22 June 2008): A
April 9, 2012, 5:13 pm. The female of the species carry the offspring. lets_be_honest I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. Reading your letter, you sound really immature and not ready to be kn a relationship with a man that has a child. April 9, 2012, 2:14 pm. Nice way to generalize. The next day I text her that we can give it another chance, but she insisted she was not feeling the same . You seem to put a lot of blame on her, but you do know that he was there too, right? Stop this back and forth with him. Ever look at the clock in your car to check the time while driving (or the radio to change channels, or a billboard)? You dont really get a say in this matter. Nothing about that makes him a bad person.
Really, people. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. What kind of person he got into a new relationship with. Thats shitty. . As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested.