We havent tried that for a while. ", 62. (LogOut/ ""These days many politicians are demanding change. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". But once the child is born? "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' ", 106. They own everything. 'He's two' will do just fine. ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. Believe me, my friend. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. Its you. Try spelling Evian backward. ", 66. Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ", 92. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. This cookie is associated with Yahoo Search Analytics and is used for advertising purposes. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. But, he is wrong here. They own all the important land. They want obedient workers. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. They dont care about you at all. ", 22. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. Used by Zoominfo to enhance customer data. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big, red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day., This video is completely devastating for Trump. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? After that, they dont wanna know about you. After that, they don't want to know about you. This narrative is based on a deliberate fiction. I had an imaginary friend. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. ", 124. 3. The ID is used for targeted ads. George Carlin Quotes On . ", 86. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . ", 56. Determines whether the visitor has accepted the cookie consent box. '", 78. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! ", 59. "Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. They never mention that part to us, do they? You don't. You have no choice. ", 27. Thats the problem. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. This cookie store anonymous user idnetifier to determine whether a visitor had visited before, or if its a new visit. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. Nobody seems to care. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. And apparently, I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. ", 49. You don't. You have no choice! "I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. You know what they want? Broadly speaking. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. ", 43. It also helps in fraud preventions. ", 67. Everybody complains about politicians. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. Now, some people like to twist that around. You ever notice that? As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. ", 94. Term limits aint going to do any good; youre just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. ", 122. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. George Carlin. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. Carlin is usually spot on. They want your fuckin retirement money. School officials told the couple that they present an inherent harm to kids.. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 12 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 3 hours 5 minutes, 15 years 6 months 5 days 1 hour 16 minutes. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". Learn how your comment data is processed. "Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. It will not be with jack-boots. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president would have particularly peeved him. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. I just dont have as many people who believe it. "In America, anyone can become president. They own all the important land. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. He saw it from a . In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. Obedience, respect for authority. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. OK? You have owners. The table has tilted, folks. ", 114. I mean, life is tough. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. On July 26, a 2-minute video created by Pattern Integrity Films was published on YouTube, and it quickly took off via social media. You have no choice. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. After that, they don't wanna know about you. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. You voted them in. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. ", 118. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. But He loves you. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. and if you want to make this about "comedy" then Carlin should tell these things called "jokes". . The late George Carlin was a genius with words, a deft dasher of conventional logic, and a master observer (and master-baiter!) They don't fall out of the sky. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. ", 64. "If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead. LinkedIn sets this cookie to remember a user's language setting. They got you by the balls. This cookie is set by the provider The Guardian. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. You don't. You have no choice. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. You have owners. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter. Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. of American cultural paradoxes.. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? - George Carlin. George Carlin. I'm a cowboy who . ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? We're all fucked," Carlin once said. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. The quote continues: "They own all the important land. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . LinkedIn sets this cookie from LinkedIn share buttons and ad tags to recognize browser ID. Take George Carlin, for example. ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. "How is it possible to have a civil war? Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. Amazon Pay uses this cookie to maintain a "session" that spans multiple days and beyond reboots. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. ", 91. Which doesn't make any sense at all. Provided by amazon-adsystem to make advertising messages more relevant to the users and their interests. The GUC cookie is set by Yahoo for Yahoo conversion tracking. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. George Carlin. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. ", 14. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. No nothing. Others see it half empty. The game is rigged. Never join a group that has a name. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. Whats that, a bonus? This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. 1. I firmly believe that if you vote, you have no right to complain. George Carlin on Being Arrested for Performing "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" Johnny Carson 325K views 3 months ago George Carlin - Stand Up About Religion Matti Holden 13M. I'm used to dogs. They own you. ", 51. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. Everybody says they suck. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. Here is one I would suggest: 'Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was. Honestly, I'd lean towards anarchist. I'm your huckleberry. ", 112. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. His beliefs in fairness and equality in. Everybody says they suck. ", 30. This cookie is set by Segment to help track visitor usage, events, target marketing, and also measure application performance and stability. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. This gif says it all: Carlins performance is being passed around on social media after a leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court indicates that Roe v. Wade may soon be overturned, paving the way for abortion to be outlawed in parts of the nation.