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So best case scenario, youre stifling your opportunity for growth. Or get off? Not everything is an abusive relationship, AAM commentariat. This was my impression as well lodging, food, and entertainment is easy to get in Vegas, and (I would imagine) relatively less expensive than, say, a retreat in Napa. Speak to him about how he feels if you were to invite people over. Everyone agrees with me and thinks youre unreasonable and crazy. At that time, she was eating about every 3-4 hours. 8 1 11 1. Last time you went on a business trip, you spent the entire time dealing with his feelings about it instead of focusing of what you were actually there to do. I think that there can be a tendency in intimate relationships to prioritize keeping the peace, and emphasizing why thats a bad idea here and confirming that giving into the husbands demands and not going on the trip should be off the table is valuable coming from someone who gives advice about workplace stuff. And so on. This is a man who is trying to actively sabotage her career. Has the OPs spouse ever even BEEN to Vegas? She and I have spoken about it, in part because I travel without my husband a lot, including to family stuff. I would imagine thats what happens in Vegas for a great many solo work travelers. Exactly. The place smells like cigarette smoke. I am late to this thread but Working Wife, I want you to know that I was in a similar situation when I first married my husband he was excessively concerned with stuff like this, with the subtext that he was afraid I would cheat. Dont engage with his arguments. No, youre absolutely right. Those were a big hit. Me: I dunno, man, that seems pretty significant to me. (The sales guy told her, its just like any other dance show, but at half the price and without the headdress! I recognized the name and tried to talk her out of it, but she believed the sales guy over me.) So, OPs husband would be fine if she was going on a business trip to Dullsville or Normalville or even New York City, but because shes going to Vegas, specifically, he has an issue. Once when I ended things with a guy Id been dating, he called me a few days later and said hed taken a poll of his friends and they all agreed I didnt have real cause to break up with him so we should resume things. In Vegas, these things are part of the fabric of the city. I bet youll have a blast. Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. And people are all I wouldnt let my wife go we have done bigger problems here. This isnt a man with an anxiety problem. I think some boundaries are needed here. Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. Same with mine. DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). Street photography! Los Vegas is known more for shows and EDM festivals than anything else these days. Is he OK generally and just bad about work trips? Go on the trip, do not jeopardize that job, youll need it when you come to your senses and get rid of this guy. Im not superstitious, so I was aware that it was completely bogus that my fears concentrated on that fact, but they nonetheless did. Therapy is really personal, and a bad fit or burnt-out therapist can be worse than no therapist at all. Be direct, and even brutally honest: Im not having this conversation (& hang up); Im not doing this again (& walk away); Im not changing my mind; Im not negotiating Im giving you the facts Basically, lots of Im not/I cant/I wont statements that are all about you and your limits. A month? Access to prostitutes, drugs, extramarital affairs, and excessive drinking and shenanigans is available pretty much in every town and city. And, this IS an us issue: his insecurities are damaging the relationship. The threading makes it a little unclear, but thats not the part under discussion: Top-Level Comment: If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag., Response: Or its an indication that they live in a different culture than the one you know.. Her husband is a lovely person in general, but comes from a family that cares very much about keeping up appearances. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. Divorce is a valid option, if you choose to go down that road. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. Biking to work? :P. The drunk human traffickers are trafficking the dealers! I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. 2 junio, 2022; google load balancer path prefix rewrite; how much does it cost to join peninsula yacht club . Its possible, though, that he really is controlling. Yeah, I was hoping the OPs business trip wasnt over this weekend , This post was one of my first thoughts when I heard about the shooting . Keep in mind that your partner is occasionally on edge, as being polite throughout an entire family trip can feel like a job." AKA: Don't be surprised if your partner gets moody. this makes me IRATE. I took a look at the menu for Gordon Ramsays burger place and almost stroked out. You (and a therapist) would know better. Why would you visit Vegas when you live in NOLA, unless it was for work. I hope you find a guy who does that for you. If he balks or outright refuses, then that might be a signal that theyre in abusive territory and LW should consider solo counseling to decide how best to handle it. Actually those are not the only two choices. During the first trip I spent most of my time during the day sight-seeing by myself (or with tour groups) while my wife attended her conference and later meeting her and friends for dinner and evening events. I dated a guy like that! Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. Your husband is being unreasonable. Maybe so, but I know plenty of people who, as JenB says above, have anxiety and dont express it in toxic and gendered ways that were really talking about two problems. Of course, Im only going by what was in the letter. These dudes tend to not understand how little theyre contributing in any significant fashion, and theyre shockedshocked!when the women theyre with realize whats going on and leave them. I suspect LWs husband doesnt *really* believe she will be kidnapped in Las Vegas. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. he needs to straighten hisstuffout. My spouse (temporarily) lives in a different state than me and if I call them and they dont answer my mind immediately assumes that theyve been in a car accident. This seems to be a common pattern, though of course not a certainty. (Overeating or eating rich foods, drinking, drugs, gambling, or sex?) And it ignores other possible explanations. The more I advance in my company, an the more trips I take, the harder it gets. Illegal prostitution happens in Vegas, to be sureas it happens pretty much everywhere in the country. I agree with Allison though, this is a situation that requires some heavy duty marriage counseling no matter what. People are able to manipulate their therapists, and there are also just plain bad therapists: what if the OPs husband is in therapy already with, for example, a religious provider who reinforces his moralistic fears about Vegas? She has mentioned it makes her sad, but she takes the obey part of her vows very seriously. I didnt sign up for this. Yeah. It isnt like the reputation just happened by accident. If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. If you think a situation sounds abusive, please dont recommend couples therapy. Setting up for a convention and working it and then the take down. He chose, and I repeat chose this lifestyle. And when your husband does things like that, why would you choose him over anything else? Yes, marriage counselling. And no matter what, go on the trip. You (both individually and as a family) need your income. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. Has he ever left the house? He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. Casinos are some of the most secure and highly monitored public places you can go. Roller coasters! I obviously dont TELL people I have these thoughts because it tends to freak people out! Arguments are by turns rewarding, arousing (in the physical arousal sense), angering, and anxiety-provoking. Seriously, I think most of my husbands friends have been to Las Vegas at some point for their jobs, no matter what their jobs are. Its tough but definitely not impossible. I hate the idea that the LWs husband feels like he has some kind of power to tell his spouse that she cant go on this trip. Sure, but hes also clearly controlling and very manipulative. I think its time to tell him something like: I need you to respect my ability to make my own decisions. Me doing anything outside of our normal routine puts an additional child care burden on her, and vice versa. And basic woman code of policing your drink would negate that fear. By contrast, I spent a week this summer at a conference in a not-doing-so-well midwestern city. If this is more an inexperience thing, it still needs to stop but I think it is less worrying than control/abuse issues. His concerns are irrational, the trip is a reasonable expectation from your employer, and so you need to go and let him manage his feelings about it. It was a hard thing to learn (Look, Mom, its so simple, just literally never leave the house and Ill never be anxious! sounds SO rational in your head when youre facing lots of catastrophic thoughts!) Companies hold meetings in Vegas because there are tons of conference rooms, hotel rooms, and restaurants, and its easy to get a direct flight there from virtually anywhere in the country, not because there is some bizarre motive to break up marriages or cause scandals among employees. I will never ever return or step foot in an obnoxious casino. 402 views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Famosos: #TaniaRincn y su esposo iniciaron su amor con el pie izquierdo: su relacin no era perfecta. I guarantee if my partner surveyed their friends they would all tell them that they are being ridiculous to even question letting (ha!) We were already pretty good at forming social subgroups with people who are more like us, but now that we have instant online communities for any reason or belief, the effect has grown, and we can choose to associate more with people who agree with our beliefs. I agree. I have no idea. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. Yeah, I hate having that thought, but that was exactly where my mind went he is freaking out because he thinks OP is going to do what he did. Vegas! If you leave it as a well go eventually and never book it, and also never talk about it, things are gonna get worse. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. my brain had done, we laughed), but absolutely had that reaction. My husband and I travel a lot for work- including to Vegas! Close Menu. Its just boring to us because we arent into flashy lights and gambling. I love it when my husband goes camping with the guys. Im someone who immediately leaps to the Worst Possible Scenario thanks to my anxiety. Ill be finding myself an apartment when I get back from Vegas. He was already in counselling and they focused on this issue for a while. And the shopping! Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. Either way, the fact that husband is freaking out and polling friends sounds like he, at least, needs to speak with a therapist, and both of you together would be even better to tackle this problem (the problem being his anxiety and the way its impacting your relationship, not the fact you need to travel). Havent read the comments to see if this is talked about yet, but I feel like religion has a play here I can see uber conservative religions having more problems with this situation than anything else. I don't think it won't be that bad though. Not all of the counties decided to legalize it, and as a result there is no legal prostitution in Las Vegas or Reno. Its better than it has been at times, but it never quite goes away. Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. Life is short. Props to you for doing the hard work of managing this problem. What if he dies? It's not super fun, but not a nightmare either. I think this is my problem with some of the suggestions that OP should bring her husband on the trip. Companies have meetings there because the hotels are set up for them, and its incredibly easy. But don't worry, Daisy. I hope youll get the chance to play some poker while youre there. [He loves playing poker but seldom gets to play, as Im not a fan of the game.]. It doesnt sound as though shes given him any reason to be so insecure. How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? If the question was my husband is forbidding it because of emergency X then we still have the same issue. Sorry Sketch, that wasnt aimed specifically at you. And ate a lot of food. It IS super pricey though!! There are counties where selling alcohol is illegal. Dont! This is great, Anon Poster. I have serious issues with anxiety and I read it the same way. I dont even like Vegas and end up there twice a year because its such a common conference location because of the affordability. But I loved him, and thought accepting his proposal would reassure him of my love and commitment. Good luck to you both.