A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Thanks.. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Aviation JOKES. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Read more. 7. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Multi Engine Training Manual When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash, 48. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. 13:30 comes and goes. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. He says, Anyway, enough about me. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. U.S. Navy Warship: We are a large warship of the United States Navy. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. What would As A.J. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. Its a NO FLY zone! He nodded. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . A drill serGENTLEMEN! Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Dad got quiet. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Proceed at your own risk. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. What do hungry Marines eat? While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. "They're all mine. Its not weak, he replied. A Recruiter Misled You. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Me: Still the wrong number. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Good judgment comes from experience. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. . Do you know where the sensor is located? my My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. 3. He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? Caller: Is Sgt. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Even his son turned up. Killed bin Laden. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. 33. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. But I had the last laugh. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. At least SEVEN Cs! A military private saying I learned this in boot camp If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. ! You divertyour course! Anecdotes 2. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. What happened Sergeant? As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. SUB sandwiches! All you have to do is remove the dirt.. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. 43. Theyre U.S. AF! We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. 32. Baltimore, said Dad. 2. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Then one day I couldnt find it. My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. 64. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Turn it off and watch the pilot start sweating. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. Landings are mandatory. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. 45. Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? When a Navy fighter pilot saw this, he decided to approach the man and see what he was doing. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Did you hear about the big accident on base? Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . The Best Short Military Jokes 1. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Basically, if you click on a product link on this site and buy that product we get a small commission at no extra cost to you. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. A LOOtenant! What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Caller: Sgt. He nodded. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. I wanted to join the Marines but I fell just short of their requirements. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: OHH OHOH! While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Pilots 5. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. March forth! I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Yes, she said. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Later, I spoke with Mom. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Decodes 7. As A.J. Did you make it all by yourself? 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . It was sheer brilliance. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? Im 81 years old, he answered. USMC: OHH! Later, I spoke with Mom. Heres what they came up with: Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? What did you do? 11. I got one here related to the tranparency of Soviet news.. ----- *News report from Soviet press agency* A friendly communist agricultural tractor was intercepted by enemy group of seven Chinese battle tanks, while performing its everyday works on wheat fields along Soviet-Chinese border. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Divert your course NOW! Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. 54. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? The Blonde Fighter Pilot S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. This site contains affiliate links. ", 55. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Me: No, I dont. 8. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. 9. 29. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Why? I asked. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. 1. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Did it work? Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Marines Say OOOOORAH! A military captain saying I was just thinking You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! Rodrigues there? Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it Officer: Soldier. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. The other replied, Not me! StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? 1. Pizza de Resistance The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. [Answered]. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Soldier: No, SIR!. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. Read more. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. 27. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. R-i-i-ing!) The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . Killed bin Laden. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". 28. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. He needed COVER! 40. An airplane! I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? 3. What are you doing? I asked. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Aviation Humor. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. I've told you that I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Attention! 18. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Want more amazing military jokes? 44. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. She also liked her scotch. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. 50. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left.